Depends

I was at Costco today during their rush hour. Had a hell of a time maneuvering my cart through the crowd. People need to start moving out of LA because it's getting too damn crowded. They need to move out so housing costs can drop, and then I can buy beachfront property in Hermosa Beach for less than 4 million.

What's up with old ladies at Costco without any shopping-cart-ettiquette? They just park their carts in the middle of the aisle and walk off! Okay, fine. When this happens, I have no choice but to direct my anger at the shopping cart. What really bugs me is when they're stopped in the middle of the aisle (usually while mouthing out the nutrition contents of the box of Snickers in their hands), and we make eye-contact... and they look away... and they're still in my way.

MOOOVE! WHAAT JUST HAPPENED HERE? IT'S LIKE I'M IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

So I was maneuvering my cart around old ladies left and right, trying to get to the avocado section, when I was blocked by six unmanned carts blocking the aisle. I should have known better; it was the intersection where the Bagel Bites lady operated. She was working real hard. It seemed as though she knew that if she couldn't get those Bagel Bites out of the oven and into their mouths quick enough, they would start sucking the life force out of her.

I was patiently standing there, making useless eye-contact with the hungry vultures, when I crossed paths with The One.

A single cart, slowly but surely, plowed it's way from the other side of the blockade towards me resulting in a series of loud crashes. Powering it, with white knuckles wrapped around the handlebar, was an old lady in her 80s with golden eyeglasses, shimmering white hair, and tightly pursed lips. The dirty looks from the Bagel Bites mob had no emotional effect on The One. In fact, a quick, cold glance in their direction by their been-there-done-that counterpart, caused them to look the other way. I peered into her cart as she approached me. It was filled to the brim with boxes of Depends. My head tilted up as I raised my eyes to hers, only to meet the coldest stare of indifference that I had ever seen. I threw my head down in shame. Or maybe it was it in reverence. When her cart finally squeaked past mine, I finally regained control of my body.

Wow.

I pushed my cart slowly through the path of destruction left in her wake, towards the mountain of avocados from whence she appeared.

They were on sale, 5 for $5.