AAAAAH.

Recently I've been noticing how my ideals change over time. I'm not sure whether these changes are a result of an accumulation of life experiences, or a form of doublethink where I justify taking a certain path over one I previously assumed to be 'right.' The right path is usually the harder path, no? The one that causes you to think things over? Who's to say which is 'right' anyway? Is what your gut tells you, always right? Does coming to a different conclusion after thinking it over constitute doublethink? I don't believe in universal truths, per se, but that causes me to hit the wall where it feels as though if there does not exist some sort of reference point, it's pretty much impossible to detect the act of doublethink.

Hmm, how about this? I can assume that there IS an objective right and wrong, but only within the confines of human evolution - as opposed to a right and wrong that reaches the far corners of this universe. This then gives it's objectiveness a shadow of subjectivity, and I can go to sleep tonight. It makes total sense now. Or maybe I'm just doublethinking? AAAAAH.

Most of us grew up thinking how our parents were so ignorant of our needs, when in fact, they were usually in the right (yet another subjective statement, but humor me in all it's generality). I grew up swearing that I'd do things differently with my kids. I would allow them to make their own decisions, and trust them and their friends with my car at 1am, even if they didn't have a driver's license yet.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

These promises to myself have been slowly whittled away at throughout the years, but at this time in my life, the core of the promise remains. I sincerely hope that when the time comes, I will give them the freedom to make their own choices and to follow their hearts in whatever they do - as long as a certain condition is met. I will allow them total freedom as long as they truly understand a little something called Responsibility. I will allow my son to aspire to become a...ballet dancer, as long as I know that he knows exactly what he is giving up for his goals. My daughter can skip high school and study art in France (or wherever it is that artsy people go), on the condition that she is certain that she will never regret it, regardless of the outcome. They must be responsible for their actions if they want the freedom.

Reading this post over, I've realized that this is the essence of what all parents mean when they say, "You're not old enough to decide for yourself." Fuck it, they're going to do exactly what I tell them to do, as long as they live under my roof!

Crap, this blog entry didn't get me anywhere. AAAAAH.